Tales from the Dispensary: When Cannabis Customers Keep Us Laughing
After years of serving the cannabis community, we’ve collected some genuinely hilarious moments that remind us why we love this industry. While we maintain complete professionalism (most of the time), these real stories from our dispensary floor prove that laughter really is the best medicine—right after cannabis, of course.
The Strain Name Game
Last Tuesday, a distinguished gentleman in a three-piece suit walked in and confidently asked our budtender for “that Purple Monkey Dishwasher strain everyone’s talking about.”
Our budtender, keeping a completely straight face, replied: “I think you might mean Purple Monkey Balls or Grease Monkey? Though honestly, Purple Monkey Dishwasher sounds like it would really clean up at the Cannabis Cup.”
The customer laughed so hard he had to sit down. He ended up buying both strains and said he’s definitely calling them Purple Monkey Dishwasher from now on. We’re considering pitching it to our growers.
The Overconfident Connoisseur
Picture this: A young customer swaggers in, telling everyone within earshot about his “extreme tolerance” and how he needs “only the strongest stuff you’ve got, nothing under 30% THC.”
Our experienced budtender suggested he might want to start with something more moderate for his first visit. “Nah,” he insisted, “I can handle anything.”
Twenty minutes later, his friend called asking if we sold “something to make the colors stop being so loud” and if we knew why their buddy was having a deep philosophical conversation with a parking meter about the meaning of time.
We now keep a “I Survived My First Dispensary Visit” sticker for these special occasions.
The Recipe Mix-Up
One of our favorite regulars, let’s call her Grandma Sue, came in asking for help with her “special brownies.” Our budtender spent 20 minutes explaining proper dosing, decarboxylation, and infusion techniques.
Grandma Sue listened intently, taking notes, then said: “Oh honey, I know all that. I’ve been making edibles since the ’60s. I meant I need help with my regular brownies—I keep forgetting the recipe after I eat my cannabis ones. Do you know if it’s one egg or two?”
She’s now our unofficial edibles consultant and brings us non-infused cookies every Thursday.
The Couple’s Shopping Trip
A couple came in last month, clearly on different wavelengths about their cannabis journey:
Partner 1: “We need something relaxing for movie night.” Partner 2: “We need something energizing for cleaning the house!” Partner 1: “Relaxing.” Partner 2: “Energizing!”
Our budtender, with the wisdom of Solomon, suggested a hybrid and diplomatically mentioned: “You know, you could always get both and take turns choosing?”
They looked at each other like this was revolutionary thinking. They now come in weekly and we call them “Team Sativa” and “Team Indica.” They’re still happily debating.
The Mystery of the Missing Munchies
A customer called in a panic: “I bought edibles from you yesterday but they’re not working. I ate the whole bag!”
Concerned, we asked which product they purchased. After some back-and-forth, they sent us a photo.
It was a bag of regular chips from the vending machine next door.
The actual edibles? Still safely in their child-proof container in their kitchen cabinet. We suggested maybe starting there next time, and also recommended the chips—apparently, they’re pretty good.
The Grandfather Clock
An elderly gentleman spent 45 minutes in our store, carefully examining every product with a magnifying glass, asking detailed questions about terpene profiles, growing conditions, and harvest dates.
Finally, he made his selection: one pre-roll.
As he was leaving, he winked and said, “See you tomorrow for my next one. At my age, this is my new hobby. It beats bird watching, and the birds don’t mind waiting.”
He’s now our most knowledgeable customer and runs an informal “Cannabis 101 for Seniors” session in our lobby every Wednesday.
The Translation Situation
A customer came in and kept asking for “jazz cabbage,” “devil’s lettuce,” and “the electric lettuce.” Our new budtender, fresh out of training, looked increasingly confused.
Finally, an older customer chimed in: “He wants cannabis, honey. He’s just showing off that he knows all the old slang terms.”
The first customer grinned: “I’m a history teacher. I’m writing a paper on cannabis terminology through the decades. Did you know there are over 1,200 slang terms for marijuana?”
We didn’t, but now our budtenders have a running competition to learn the weirdest ones. Current winner: “Giggle Nuggets.”
The Tech Support Call
We received a call from a customer who bought a vape pen:
Customer: “It’s not working. I’ve been blowing into it for 20 minutes.” Budtender: “Sir, you need to inhale, not exhale.” Customer: long pause “That would explain why my wife said I’ve been doing it backward. She said the same thing about the vacuum cleaner.”
He came back the next day, successfully using his vape, and bought his wife flowers from next door as an apology for “never listening about the vacuum either.”
Our Favorite Mix-Up
A very nervous first-time customer whispered to our budtender: “I need some of that CBD… or is it ABC? DIY? I know it’s letters…”
Our budtender, with infinite patience: “CBD? For pain relief?”
Customer, relieved: “Yes! My doctor said to try CBS!”
Budtender: “CBD?”
Customer: “That’s what I said, USB!”
After a good laugh and some gentle correction, they left with the right products and a newfound confidence in cannabis acronyms. They still joke about their “USB oil” every visit.
The Bottom Line
These moments remind us that while cannabis is serious medicine for many, there’s always room for humanity, humor, and connection in our dispensary. Every day brings new stories, new laughs, and new reminders that we’re not just selling products—we’re building a community, one giggle at a time.
Have a funny dispensary story of your own? Drop by and share it with our budtenders. We’re always collecting new material, and the best story of the month wins a “Comedy Cannabis Connoisseur” t-shirt.
Remember: These stories are shared with love and permission. We cherish all our customers, especially the ones who keep us laughing.
Disclaimer: All stories have been anonymized and embellished for entertainment purposes. Any resemblance to specific individuals is purely coincidental. Please consume responsibly and never operate parking meters under the influence.